You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Randomize
