i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think people are normalizing furries
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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