I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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