You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
