Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
