On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
