I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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