I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
