so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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