I think I won the penis lottery.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
