I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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