Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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