But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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