Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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