Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
