They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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