i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
