Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
