I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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