Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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