So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
