he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
