I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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