If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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