im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
