for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
