Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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