If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
