So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
