Buhtt sex?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
