Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
