Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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