I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
