omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
