hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
