Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
