if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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