okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
