she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
