Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
did i walk over a car last night?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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