I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
