I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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