i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
