She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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