Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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