evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
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