Duck Duck Cougar?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
