And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
