Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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