You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
