i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
