just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
