perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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