worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
