his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
